It’s now June 2010, and I’m sure you are wondering what the heck is going on in my soap opera. Let me fill you in by first saying, don’t believe anything I say when it comes to this crazy relationship I’m in. when we last tuned in, I was on my way to emotional independence, I am woman, I will get a ring or it’s the highway jack, right? Well, yeah, that is out the window. Not only are we back together (as of Valentine’s Day) but we have since moved into another apartment and signed another year long lease. So this is the part where I tell you “HE PROPOSED TO ME” (I can hear Kelly Price, look it up, great song). Well not exactly. I’m still ring-less. However, yes there is a however, I am “the one”. He finally admitted that, I, Tashira Marie Johnson Walker, am the one. He wants to marry me; he wants to make me his wife. But there are changes I must make, such as attitude adjustment, diminishing some lazy ways, obtaining a driver’s license, upgrading my cleaning skills (like he’s immaculate, ha). The biggest thing is my attitude.
Apparently I am the reason that every other day it is WWIII. Apparently my smart mouth, angry faces, and nonchalant moods are the impetuses to his decision not to wed me sooner. Hmmmmmm…… I can work on me. But buddy, I am NOT the main cause of our “issues”. We both need some work and reevaluation. For instance, he does not know how to talk to me. He can be very rude, insensitive, and abusive. There are lots of other things I wish I could discuss, but because of his request to refrain from putting all of our business out there, I’ll move on.
I’m totally confused honestly. I’ve been caught up in the wedding hype of those around me and I have started planning my own fairy-tale day. But to perfectly honest, I just don’t know lately. The arguing is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson (corny, but I love MJ so don’t judge me). Just recently, I found myself crying from my soul and just wanting to runaway. The low days are really really low, and the high days, well where are the high days? I feel like we are forcing this thing to work. I love him. I love him. I know I love him. But I love me too. And I love me more. I need happiness, sanity, and peace. I must admit, that he has been trying. He tries to walk away from my brewing storms, he tries a little harder to make me smile, and he’s always been excellent with our son. So kudos on the efforts. But, the truth remains, we don’t get along very well. I think we are just completely different people who have finally realized that we are indeed different. Different does not always work.
The next step, hopefully the saving grace, we want to try couples counseling. Before we give up completely we are going to try just one last time to see if there is anything left. We have a family, shouldn’t we stay together and at least try. We’ll see. Our lease is up June 2011, we got time to either fall back in love or kill each other, I’m praying for a positive result, yal pray too.