As of Today

A couple of weeks ago I volunteered as a hostess at a wedding. No bueno! I came home high on a wedding cloud. Soon after my cloud evaropated and I was sent crashing back to reality. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Soooo do you plan on proposing any time soon?

Him: What’s soon?

Me: Within a few months, within a YEAR?

Him: NO

Hmmmmmmm. Did he just say NO, that he would not be proposing within a year. As in by October 2010 I would still just be his girlfriend and play housewife? OH HELL NO! Not happy about that at all! I got out of the bed and went to the living room to sleep on the couch. I began brainstorming. And yeah I cried a little, so what. By the time I finally went to sleep my mind was made up. In June, I will take my son and begin life without HIM. It’s sooo easy to say. But as God as my witness I am so serious. Please don’t misunderstand my decisions.  I do not want to pressure him to marry me nor do I think that by moving out, he will change his mind. This is about me! My independence, my sanity, my control over my life, which I feel is spiraling out of wack. I sometimes feel like I’ve lost myself in this relationship and for the longest I’ve been attached to his hip. And honestly, I’ve concluded that marriage is NOT in our future and I refuse to be strung along any further. It’s a complicated situation because of our son, but it can be done. It has already been done time and time again. I’m scared, I’m worried, but I can not dwell on that. I have to put my faith in God and know that He will work things out for me and for my son. But, the title of this post IS: As of Today, so of course things can change. I just pray that all changes are for the better.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go find my strong black woman cape….

Put a Ring on It

As I sit here looking at my left hand, I am stuck wondering, what happened to me? In the past week I have come into contact with two married women, both my age. One is a friend of mine who has a daughter a few months younger than my son. The other young woman is Howard Alum that I only knew by face and her choir affiliation. Let me first say congratulations to them and may God continuously bless their unions. Now back to me and my unwedded self! What went wrong? I was supposed to be “that girl”. That girl being someone raised in the church, saving her virginity for the wedding night, falling in love and married by age 23, or at least engaged. And of course the two kids, dog, house and white picket fence would surely follow. But that is not the reality. Instead here I am, 24, living in a rented condo with my son and BOYFRIEND. Hmmmmm. How do I fix this?

Truth be told, I don’t even see the sparkling of my diamond ring at the end of the tunnel. So now what? Well my suggestion is to end this relationship. Or at least take a break from it for awhile. Maybe then if someone, could see what it is to be without me that would make him want to keep me around, forever. Right now it seems like things are at a stand still. We’ve gone through all the relationship milestones; I’m just waiting for my ring, well more so the commitment that he wants to make our family official. I’d take a ring pop at this point. (That’s a half joke). But seriously, what are my options?????

 

Let’s see:

A) Continue living as I am, and keep quiet until he’s ready.

B) Ultimatum time: marry me or move on

C) After the lease is up, we continue being together but we LIVE separately

 

            It’s just not that simple. For starters, I love him, I love being around him (most times) and we have a son that “should” be raised in a household with both his parents. Also, times are definitely hard, so I can’t necessarily afford to live on my own. (Damn it, that means I’m dependent on him, gotta change that!) I guess it’s really not a hard decision to make; I just have to be able to handle whatever outcomes arise. OR he could just MARRY ME!

 

I’m bout to put on my black leotard and heels, rock my body back and forth and sing my song. “All my single ladies, all my single ladies……

Living Married-Like, But Not Married

As soon as we became a couple, we always wanted to be with each other. So essentially the “living together” started in our dorm rooms around May 2005. However we didn’t officially begin shacking up until January 2008. We had a cute little basement apartment in Adams Morgan, rent only $500. God blessed us! We, well I was also expecting. Talk about things happening out-of-order!

From that basement apartment we moved to the up and coming area of Southwest Waterfront. We have fond memories of our second apartment, a Jr. one bedroom that had just been renovate, we were now paying $950. Our son, Xavier Lyles was born on August 18, 2009 and life as a couple post college really picked up.

 

Let’s fast forward.

 

Our family now lives in a two-bedroom condo in NE Washington, DC. We have ups, we have downs, we fight, we love, we laugh, I cry. It’s really an experience. And now we are sharing our experiences with you. We have been together for going on 5 years. The first 3 years we were in college, now here we are living together and raising our son. We share responsibility of our bills, we have a joint account, we have a car in both of our names, I cook, I clean, I do laundry, he takes out the trash, protects and provides for us, and  manages our money (I’m terrible at it). I visit his family in Michigan and Indiana, he visits my family in New York, Pennsylvania and California. Seems like a cozy little environment right?

 

Well, I’m 24 years old, he’s 23 and although we are parents together, we are still only at that “boyfriend/girlfriend” stage. Of course, we’ve had the “marriage talk”. But at this time, I have the slightest idea of when this will take place, or if it even will.  Reasons? He says we are not ready. He says we are too young. He says he’s unsure if I’m “the one.” He says I’m immature, He’s says I don’t accomplish any of my goals.

 

I say, I’m getting tired of playing housewife!